A Special Report...

I know, I know, the second post in 24 hours, but today has been a day of amazing revelations, even more revelationaryeryier than the other kind that you 5 (yes 5) love to read about on a nearly weekly basis: firstly, when going to work, to deal with the questions of idiots and generally spend the day trying my very very hardest not to cry, I saw a wonderful amazing heartwarming thing: 

After a few days realising that life too far away from her bearded camera wielding landlord was unbearable: DAISY RETURNED!

...and before one of you smartarses decides to argue and upset me by claiming that its a different one: youre wrong, its not, as I saw her trying to work out how to squeeze her large feathery frame back behind the dish that she fluttered out from... So there. I have become the proud owner of the worlds first Homing Dove...

Imagine how stoked I was seeing my estranged satellite dove had returned... a feeling that lasted approximately 3o minutes until I sat down at work...(Ill begin the work based rantings later, theres plenty to go round) getting up three hours later and wandering to Boots (who incidentally are filthy libelous dirty liars) to get a drink. My mate had to get a prescription so I found myself lurking around with not much to do and 50p to spare. 

So I made the second mistake in my day after "getting out of bed" and climbed aboard the BMI/Weight/Height machine...

 

This was the result. A small piece of the paper that effectively robbed me of an inch and dumped an extra stone in its place... Now I wouldnt claim to be anywhere near Adonis like proportions (at the minute) but I would be lying if I said that I was happy with being nearly 14 shitting stone...

Deciding that I don't want to live the rest of my life wearing sweatpants and having only a vague recollection of what my feet look like, I have set myself a target of getting down to a healthy weight by exercise, healthy eating and all that shit that I'd much rather ignore and play xbox instead of doing but lets face it, will in all likelyhood adopt the Brit Abroad Crash Diet technique and eat a packet of raw bacon... That'll shift it despite what Mrs Dickfingers thinks...

Expect the sporadic updates to resume... Im off to comfort eat my fat self until I cant feel feelings anymore... 

I hate you all, especially those of you that weigh 13st 9lbs or less... (Cockleg Im looking at you)