Somehow, the people at Hooked Extreme Blog managed to get a corner of the Westfield centre in Derby (a 200 mile round trip from Dickfingers HQ) to host an invite only Game of Skate at their NUS Lock In type affair, which is presumably a glorified way to milk the student loans out of a bunch of tax dodging floppy hat wearing arsewipes. They had originally asked Toby to shout things over a megaphone but he wasnt really into the idea, hence recruiting me and after careful consideration I decided that at the very least it would make this blog more interesting that me sitting in my front room in my pants playing Xbox so ducked out of work early and began the drive to Derby.
Craig "150% man" Smedley was there and was a good 15 years older than any other competitor. I love Smedley. Here we are with Toby, and me in my stinging Fourstar Cardigan (thanks to Crossfire and Revival Distribution *shameless plug*)
Fraser Doughty was also there competing and incidently he is not my son, despite what he might tell you to the contrary. Merry fuck only knows what he is wearing in this picture. I think it was a dare. Or maybe a joke that I'm too southern to understand. Either way he was holding it down in what could only be described as a wizarding shepherd's coat... Strange lad...
This was the set up for the whole deal: a rectangular patch of sticky laminate floor outside JD Sports and Marks & Spencer. Fuck you, The Berrics...
Everyone knows that the best things in skateboarding are held in shopping centres with swarms of workshy fashion wankers dancing about to horrendous dance music playing 10 ft away...
Here I am being presented with my "loudspeaker." People that have met me will probably testify that I am more than likely the last person you should ever entrust a megaphone to. Fortunately for the student population of Derby and surrounding areas, the megaphone I was handed is the smallest I have ever seen. The megaphone that was in my car was bigger and louder but even that would have been drowned out by DJ Shit-taste blasting out "phat beatz" which sounded like the Pacman tune. Just as well really as I got bored talking about skateboarding and started taking the piss out of Fraser's Goat-herding jumper and Tom Balls fertility threatening trousers.
Despite the fact that no bugger could hear us, we decided that we werent going to let that stand in the way of carrying things off with a vague air of professionalism. We picked the names out of my flatcap. Can't get more professional than that...
We played "Rock Paper Scissors" although more than once there was some mild to moderate confusion and we had to start again. Here we can see Tom Ball listening carefully as I mumble my way through the explanation of a game known by almost every under 5 the world over.
Smedley took his shirt off and threw some maneuvers in a vest. He started landing tricks and throwing gangsigns as well. I love Smedley.
As amusing as it is shouting obscenities at passing students and hollering at Skaters through a £5 Argos Megaphone, and believe me, it is amusing, there came a time when we had to have a rest. By rest I mean that we went freeloading as apparently there were shops giving away Apple Lanyards. Now, I should take the time to say that, If its free, I need it, so off we went in search of things to pile into my swagbag. Unfortunely there was bugger all to be had, so I made do with signing up to win things by grabbing a load of Quality Street wrappers inside a Hairdryer fuelled Shower Cubicle.
Pre Grab:
Mid Grab:
Post Grab: I didnt win but at least it breaks up the skating pictures for you... (You're welcome)
Unfortunately I couldnt stay in the cool refreshing shower cubicle and had to get back out again to shout at folk. I've got no idea why Toby is bending over here. Probably all the excitement.
Look how satisfied he looks in this one. It must have been the bending over.
More skating happened. People did tricks, other people didnt do them and eventually it came down to Craig Smedley and Jacob Bettison. Smed didnt make it after a series of close calls and Jacob won. Smedley didnt want his prize as it was a board over 7.5inches wide so I bought him a pint and a bowl of nuts and went home with it instead (the board, not Smedley)
There was a shortlived best trick comp for a Pink Element Board (oooooook) which Ballbag won with a half cab lateflip... I then signed it to potentially increase the value. Maybe.
... and as if that wasn't enough, I even signed the Hooked Extreme Tshirt joining such luminaries as Lee Blackwell and Ben "As Much Use As Anne Franks Drumkit" Cundall. Ive arrived.
Vernon Kay was meant to show up to do a DJ set, however we finished at about 9 and were told that he wasnt going to get there before 11 and I'll be buggered if I was waiting around for two hours to see some lanky northern goit off the telly so buggered off to the pub to listen to Smedley talk about debt collectors and tricktip videos. Good times
All photos were taken by Mrs Brock who got a Press Pass especially and I'll post a video of the above shenanigans if I get a link.
Next time: Something else. Can't wait can you? I thought not.
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