Welcome to another Boring selfindulgent update to what is still not being called the greatest blog ever. You bastards. We need to raise the profile of this a little bit, if any of you want to make badges or wear tshirts then jump around at the back of Outside Broadcast news reports Im willing to set up a pretty generous PhotoIncentive... I'll wait to hear from you... and before I forget, if you're one of the lovely people that I forwarded this blog to instead of a CV then: Hello, employ me, I'm ever so good and I don't like my job anymore. Go on, let me work for you, it'll be great... I promise. (Big Kiss x)
In an attempt to jumpstart my aforementioned healthy eating drive, and in a bid to reduce the amount of calories that I intake, I have developed the Dickfingers Diet. It's set to revolutionise the way that people eat and is fundamentally very simple. All you need to do is take what ever you would normally eat, and instead of putting it on a plate and gobbling it up until you get bingo wings and cry cause noone loves you, youve suddenly got asthma and you can't find a boyfriend. Oh no, you simply put it in a mug. Mugs are smaller than plates therefore, ergo, concurrently: less food. Here you can see the wondorous sight of Mug Shepherds Pie, containing half the Pie and therefore half the calories of Plate Shepherds Pie... Maths: helping fight Obesity since about 15 minutes ago...
To celebrate my new found dieting techinique I sat on the floor and baked cakes. This definitely didnt have anything to do with Mrs Dickfingers breaking the blender and food mixer leaving me with the option to throw out about £8 worth of half congealed cake parts or to have a crack at salvaging the whole bloody thing myself. If nothing else it goes to show that I really will stop at nothing to avoid wasting money. Or in this case, sugar, flour eggs and butter. Which were paid for with money so it kind of makes sense. Piss off, this isnt the place for logic...
I went to Hertford the other day and thought that I would include a picture of my favourite newagents. This shop never fails to make me smile and my only regret is that they dont have a bigger sign... Mrs Dickfingers was away up the road, mortified that I would stop on a corner, whip out my cameraphone, eagerly snap away at a shop front to ensure I got a good enough photo of a Gay newsagent (you're welcome...)
If it helps, she wasn't any keener on me stopping to photograph what I think used to be a hedgehog either, although to be fair I think she was more concerned with me standing in the middle of the road hovering over the squashedhog...
The conclusion of this wonderful update is something special: the first videoblog update. Not bad considering I've been doing this for about 5 months now... Procrastion is a wonderful thing. I think.
The following 87 seconds of awesome was filmed in about 30 minutes by My Mate Adam on his lovely sparkly HD fish eye camera type thing and I spent the following 4 hours dicking about trying to get my head around editing software. Unbelievably, the following is the best that I could get it. After many revisions I ditched various different songs ranging from Smack My Bitch Up to Boys Boys Boys, Copacabana to Its Raining Men and decided that it was probably going to look better without Pink Comic Sans titles...
Behold: the first of maybe many video updates meaning that you can hear my maniacal giggling and pisstaking as opposed to just reading it you lucky little things...
Next Time: Have I Got A New Job? Pigeon Shooting and Whatever Other Shite I Can Think To Write About...
Ps: Employ Me... Thanksinadvance x
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