Team Dickfingers and The Greatest Boards Ever...

This Saturday, while Mrs Dickfingers left to go galavanting around the Emerald Isle leaving me to fend for myself and get my own tea for a few days, (thanks to all the blog fans that offered to cook me my tea you ungrateful shits, after all I give to you...) I went to Mad Mad Monks Team Game Of Skate... a wonderful collection of sweating blokes in a field orchestrated by the chief Homo: Mr Monk, who should be your first port of call for thinly veiled threats of homosexual rape and other general hilarious unpleasantries...

He was ably assisted on the day by Mr Mark Nicholson, long time Death Skateboards Professional and thoroughly nice bloke, who incidentally looks like a right bad man in this here shot...

 

Before I go on, I should take time out to explain to our non skating readers (Sonia & Fran, who I work with and have been forced into reading this blog by peer pressure and the threat of doing more filing) that "Skate" is basically the same as "Horse" in basketball: One person sets a trick and the other person has to repeat the same trick or get a letter (and in this case a loud question about their sexual preferences broadcast over a cheap shitty megaphone.)

Here I am, looking like a portly bearded windowlicker, shortly before organising Team Dickfingers: an eclectic slice of Skateboarding talent with varying styles and attributes on the board... We had Mr John Seaman and Jerome, who largely comprised the raw natural talent and would be heavily relied on for actually doing tricks, we had the "Artist Formerly Known As Cockleg" who provided Pressure flips and other obscure maneuvers, we also had another guy called John, who I met about 5 minutes before our game and didn't have any other team to go on. And there was me. Who provided the team name. Which was pretty vital to be fair. I would naturally consider myself as having a "Player/Manager" type role in the whole episode which consisted of everyone else doing tricks I suggested, inbetween my occasional Frontside Shove It and Bigspin.

This is a picture of our first match up against Team Cundall, or Haircut 100 as it was quickly redubbed. Team Dickfingers are perched on the left, awaiting to deliver a swift and violent arsekicking to Cundall's team of Vestwearing Bumworriers on the right. Cundall can be seen, hands on hips, in the Blue shirt, with Acid-wash skin tight jeans and a hair cut, the likes of which hasn't been seen since Ultravox. He was seen leaving almost immediately after his swift and violent defeat, having also been told that he couldn't join another team unless he played stark bollock naked...

Anyway, we managed to progress through the game reaching the Finals where we were narrowly beaten by Radman's team, who in our defence, had a professional skater and Radman, who like his name suggests, is rad and capable of doing just about any trick ever set. Ever. He managed to knock us out with a 360flip-Body-Varial which I have never seen anyone else do one. I dont think that anyone with the possible exception of Craig "50% extra free" Smedley could beat him. In short, we were buggered but did the best we could... 

Shortly afterwards there was a best trick format thing in the bowl which allowed me to roll out My One Trick, which earnt me a new hat (keen eyed readers will know my feelings on hats)...

...and allowed Death Flow Rider Mikey Patrick to fly shitting miles above the coping and embarrass fat older skaters like me....

It then started raining and I got a bit cold so we went home and had a sit down and I put my new cardigan on and watched the telly and it was pretty good to be honest. 

In preparation for THE BIRTHDAY OF THE YEAR which is arriving in 4 short days (and I swear to God that if you shits don't at least write a comment on here then you'll be subjected to the biggest internet sulk known to man) I decided to get myself an early Birthday Present and treated myself to these amazing pieces of kit right here:

Roger Skateboards are just about the greatest (and by greatest, I mean funniest) thing to ever happen to skateboarding and thats not just because I have some of their boards and am a bit pissed whilst sitting here writing this... any company that calls themselves "Roger" and has a board emblazoned with "Ghost with a Boner", a "Me So Horny Unicorn",  a "Trouser Snake" and who claim their company is based on 37% Skateboarding, 63% Weed & Tigers is alright in my book... Any Birthday presents can be purchased from there...

Keep your eyes peeled for an upcoming review on Caught In The Crossfire soon...

Toby has recently informed me that as amazing as this blog is, and I think we can all agree on that, I should attempt to tackle some issues of the day "like Gays, Aids & Abortions" so here goes... Gays are alright as long as you don't bum a dirty one and get Aids which isnt alright, but even if you do you won't need an abortion which are kind of alright as long as you arent too religious... Glad we cleared that one up... If you need any other deep searching questions answered please contact me as soon as: I'm here to help

More Updates Soon.... (maybe)